Laina Olson

I was awake most of the night. Kaleigh passed out in the bathroom shortly after our talk outside. Al was the last one at the party and helped me carry her to bed before he left, too. I changed into shorts and my favorite shirt from the first play I worked crew. It hung off of my somewhat lanky frame, and joined her in the full-size bed. I was very tempted to undress Kaleigh, but I didn’t trust myself, so instead I just climbed into bed next to her and watched her sleep. I laid there forever, watching her sleep, wondering if I was really brave enough to run away with her, wondering that maybe she was so drunk that she wouldn’t remember what she said to me last night, or how she held me in the moonlight.

The morning sunshine glowed brightly into the bedroom. If the intense light was the only indicator to the weather it would have felt like an early spring or even summer. Except that I didn’t hear any birds singing and the tree by the window was barren and waved at me in the brisk wind. It beckoned me to go outside, signaling my chance for escape. Kaleigh lay in bed next to me, her body heavy with drunken slumber. I looked up again and stared out the window for a long time, watching the gnarled branches writhe in the wind, daydreaming and worrying about what was about to happen. I couldn’t just leave like this. I couldn’t vanish and not tell a soul. I needed to talk to Sarah. She always has a way of either encouraging me or talking some sense into me.

I slipped out of bed, careful not to disturb Kaleigh. I didn’t want her to wake yet. I didn’t want her to know I was ever gone. I snuck out into the living room to find Kaleigh’s mom, passed out on the couch. Sandra was spread across the soft cushions, her head drooping off to one side, snoring quietly, and the now familiar stench of alcohol emanating from her. I checked the empty cradle on the table by the side of the couch for the cordless phone. I remembered seeing it somewhere near the couch last night; I just prayed Kaleigh’s mom hadn’t sat on it before she passed out. I anxiously surveyed the room and crept about until I spotted it on the floor, the white antenna sticking out from under the couch. I quietly knelt down and reached around Sandra’s bare foot, holding my breath as to not make a sound, and grabbed it. Once the phone was successfully retrieved, I slipped off into the bathroom and shut the door. When I turned on the light I also switched the fan on, in hopes that it would cover up the sound of my voice.

I dialed the number to Sarah’s dorm room, praying she would answer.

“Hello?” her voice was heavy with sleep.

“Sarah? Were you still sleeping? I’m so sorry, but I just needed to talk to somebody right now.” I fidgeted with the edge of my T-shirt.

“Hey, it’s ok. What’s going on?”

“Well. You’re probably going to talk me out of this, but I think its something that I need to do. I think I might be going away for a little while. I’m leaving this morning.”

“What?” Sarah sounded much more awake now.

“Well, I keep thinking about nursing school in the fall, and freaking out 'cause I really can’t stand the thought of it. I just need to get out of here for a while, I think. And, it’s almost my birthday, so what does it matter once I’m eighteen? Mom can’t really stop me then.”

“Have you lost it? Where’s my sister?”

“No, I haven’t completely lost it. I just want to do my own thing, I guess. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life.” I stared at myself in the mirror over the sink counter. It felt so strange seeing myself as I tried to explain why I was leaving without really telling my sister anything.

“You haven’t talked to Mom?”

“Are you kidding? Mom would totally freak out! She’d try to ground me for a month and tell me I’m going to hell unless I go back to church! I need you to help cover for me. Can you do that?”

“You know I can’t lie to her!”

“Can you just maybe not tell her? Don’t let her know I talked to you. I don’t know. But I don’t want her to try to find me or bring me back home. Please? I need your help. Please? Can you promise me you won’t tell her?”

“Have you lost your mind, Marie? I can’t believe you’re telling me this.”

“Sarah, you know how Mom is about nursing school, which there really isn’t anything wrong with you going. I think you’re happy with it, which is great. But you know I’m not. I’ll be miserable studying Anatomy – science is my worst subject! Please help me. I just need some time to figure everything out.”

I heard her let out a deep sigh. I held my breath again until she spoke. “I know how much you don’t want to go to nursing school, Marie. I don’t agree with what you are doing, but I’m not going to try to stop you. I think you can handle yourself and hopefully, hopefully Marie, you know what you are doing. I want you to be happy. If this is what it takes for you to find it, go ahead. I’ll just play dumb. Hell, I don’t think I want to know the details anyway. But do you at least have a plan? Can you just tell me where you’re going?”

“Um, sort of. I think I’m going to California. Maybe Hollywood.”

“Damn, girl! Hope you have money with you.”

“Yeah, I gotta stop at the bank to get out my savings. But I think I’ll be ok.”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this. Are you sure you’re gonna be all right? All by yourself?”

“Yeah. Please don’t worry about me, Sarah. Everything will be fine. I’ll call you every night, okay? And you’ll have to give me updates on Mom’s conniptions.”

“Oh, I will. And I’ll remind you that it’s all your fault when she’s in hysterics!”

“And, Sarah,” a sigh of relief escaped my lips, “Thank you. I knew I could rely on you.”

“Yeah, well. What are sisters for? And just wait’ll I need you! You owe me sis! Call me later Marie!”

“I will. Bye.”

I pressed the phone off button and stood there a moment, clutching the phone. I shut off the light and the fan in the bathroom and crept back out. I gently set the phone down in its cradle and retreated back into Kaleigh’s room. I slipped back into bed next to her and waited. I replayed the conversation with my sister in my mind. Why didn’t I tell her I was going with Kaleigh? Sarah just assumed I would be alone and I didn’t know what to say. If I told her I was running off with a seventeen-year-old, the girl that I was in love with, things would be a little different. I couldn’t stand the thought of telling my family I’m a lesbian. I’m certain Mom would disown me. It was bad enough telling Sarah I was leaving, but I couldn’t tell her the whole truth. Maybe she was right, anyway, not to know the details of my whereabouts so she could just play dumb with Mom. I knew Sarah understand that I didn’t want to go to nursing school, and that I was trying to escape our overly controlling mother. I’ve always had trouble getting along with Mom. At least I was done with high school and I would be eighteen in another week. I had a right to get away. But what about Kaleigh? I felt suspended in that dawning moment, waiting for Kaleigh to awake, waiting for our new life to begin.

She breathed in deeply and rolled toward me, “My head hurts like hell. Let’s get the fuck outta here.”

We tried to get dressed as quietly as possible. I called my parents from Kaleigh’s room and we got ready to leave. Kaleigh scribbled down a note about shopping for her mom, who probably wouldn’t be up for several hours. I grabbed the backpack that I brought for the night that contained my one change of clothes, a few personal items and my journal. We ran to the lot, giggling, and ran up to Kaleigh’s mom’s car. It was a beat up red Chevy Cavalier, the seats were pretty worn out and torn up so they were covered up with fuzzy, zebra-striped seat covers. I always thought it was kind of tacky, but Kaleigh thought it was cute so I never complained.

When we got to the car my heart was pounding so fast, I couldn’t believe it was finally happening. Kaleigh started up the car and turned to me, “Oh, check my bag for my CD case, we’ve gotta pick out some road tunes! I’ve got this all planned out. First, let’s head to Indiana–”

“But California’s the other way?”

“I know, just hear me out. We’ve gotta get far enough away that it will take them a while to find us. We have to ditch the car and go the other way, that way they won’t know where we went. They’ll never catch us!” She put the car into reverse and backed out of the spot.

“Ok, what are we going to do in Indiana when we ditch the car?”

Kaleigh mashed down the gas pedal and spun the tires as we sped out of the lot, “First, let’s just drive. See how far we can get before we have to ditch the car. Then we’ll find a train station or take a bus or something.”

“I thought you had this all planned out! Don’t forget we have to stop at my bank first! And get gas!”

“Honey,” she turned to me, “this is our runaway plan, not an itinerary.”

“Yeah.” At this point I figured it was better for me to just pick out some music like she wanted. I still couldn’t believe this was actually happening. I needed something to distract me. I quickly found our favorite CD and popped it into the player in the dashboard, leaned back, and stared out the window. The landscape blurred by as Kaleigh sang along. I still remember when the CD came out almost a year ago, when I first met Kaleigh. I got lost in the music as my mind wandered.

I was so excited to be the assistant director of the spring play, Romeo and Juliet last year. I was shrouded by the dark in the fifth row of the auditorium next to Ms. Thatcher, the acting teacher and director. The stage was enveloped in black curtains and there was a single spotlight directed toward the stool placed heedlessly in center stage. Kaleigh emerged from the shadows, the stage lighting giving her a surreal glow and the lighting played tricks off her curly brown hair. She performed her reading brilliantly. I was drawn to the passion in her voice as she spoke and mesmerized by her beauty as she lit up the stage.

I didn’t get to actually meet her until the end of the week when the casting list went up. I was gathering up my books from my locker when I glanced down the hall and saw her stride up to the posting. She pressed her finger to the page that was crudely taped to the white-painted brick walls of our school hallway. I could see from my sideways glance that she had scrunched up her face a little as she looked more closely. I grabbed the last of what I needed from my locker and slammed the door shut.

“Shit,” Kaleigh muttered, “How could this be? I can’t believe Angela got Juliet!”

I quietly stepped up behind her, “I thought you should have gotten it. Your monologue was beautiful.”

Kaleigh turned around to face me with a start. “Oh, hi! Thanks, but um, who are you?”

“I’m Marie, the student director. I saw part of your audition. I told Ms. Thatcher that you were perfect for it, but you know what a suck-up Angela is…” my voice trailed off as I stared into Kaleigh’s emerald eyes.

She smiled at me, “No shit. I’m Kaleigh, by the way.”

I smiled back at her and nodded. I ran into her again in the cafeteria the following week and she invited me to sit with her and a couple of her friends, Al and Jessica. We sort of became the group of creative misfits at school. Al was a longhaired pothead drummer in a fairly successful rock band. They were always playing shows at bars in the city. Jessica always wore long black dresses with corsets and powdered her face white. Her passion was painting mystical creatures and Gothic scenes. Kaleigh and I were united by our love of theatrical arts, though I loved to be behind the scenes and she was my star. Ever since that moment we had become inseparable.

§

Sometime after we passed through Indianapolis we pulled into a Wal-Mart parking lot. Looking around confused, I asked, “What are we doing here?”

“We need to get some stuff for our hair. And maybe some new clothes.” I stared at her, puzzled. “We need disguises.”

We went in and shopped the cosmetics section. Kaleigh decided she’d look good as a redhead, and that I should make my naturally blonde hair a light brown. Then we browsed the juniors section, gathering up a bunch of clothes. Kaleigh pulled me into the large handicapped fitting room and dumped the pile of clothes down on the bench.

“Quick, let’s try stuff on and conceal as much as possible,” she instructed. I pretended to look away as she undressed to try on her new outfit, but I managed to peek at her reflection in the mirror. The strap of her lacy black bra slipped off her shoulder as she pulled some new jeans over her curvy hips. She layered on as many shirts as she could. As she pulled the last one over her head and shook out her hair she caught my glance in the mirror. Holding my gaze, she smiled at me, almost as if she knew I was watching her the whole time.

“Aren’t you going to put anything on?” she asked me as she began stuffing various cosmetics that she had collected and the hair dye boxes into various pockets of her jeans and coat.

I nodded, and awkwardly looked away. I piled on whatever clothes I could. I picked up two dresses that were left on the bench. “What are these for?” Kaleigh knows I hate dressing up.

“I dunno. Just in case. We have to be ready for anything. Hurry up! Let’s make a run for it!” I pulled on my coat, zipped it up and stuffed the dresses inside. We ran back to the car and I prayed security wasn’t chasing after us. We hopped into the car and drove back down the road a bit. My heart was pounding when we pulled up to a gas station that was right off the highway and found a spot to park around back. We snuck into the ladies room and locked ourselves in. Kaleigh began to unload a lot of the items from her pockets that we were about to need.

After a little over an hour and several angry patrons rattling the door, I was afraid that the attendant might try to come and see what was going on. We both had new hair colors and Kaleigh pulled out a pair of scissors from her coat and reached for my head.

“What are you doing?!”

“I want to cut your hair. Can I, please! We don’t want to be recognized.”

“Did you steal those, too?” I knew I shouldn’t be getting hypocritical at a moment like this, considering all the clothes I just walked off with that were now suffocating me under all the layers. I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to watch as she began to snip away.

“Ohmygod, you look so hot!” Kaleigh exclaimed when she was done, still playing with my strands. It felt so good to feel her fingers in my hair as she put some gel in to style it.

I surveyed the mess we made. There was hair strewn all over the floor and splatters of dye on the mirror and the dirty gray walls from washing out our hair in the sink. “We’ve got to clean this up a bit. If we’re trying to hide, we can’t be too obvious here, you know.”

When we were finally done we got back into the car and pulled around to the front.

“Should we get any gas before we get on the road?” I asked Kaleigh.

“Nah, lets at least get down the highway a little more. I want to get away from here. I think we spent too much time in one spot already. Besides, maybe we’ll have an opportunity to ditch the car before we have to waste money on gas.”

Several miles down the highway I spotted a sign for a junkyard. The billboard said they paid cash for cars. Any car. “How ‘bout that, Kaleigh? Get rid of the car and get more money, too!”

“Sounds good to me. What exit?”

We pulled into the gravel lot in front of a small red brick building as the sun was beginning to set. It was quite a ways down the highway from where we first saw the billboards and by now the red-orange glow of the sunset accented the color of the brick. It was the only splash of color to offset the dinginess that surrounded us. Weathered white letters stood up on the roof that once read ‘Joe’s Salvage Yard,’ though now the L was missing. A tall chain link fence surrounded the yard and on the inside were mounds of random parts and dead shells of car bodies. Along the front of the building was a large picture window. I could make out the vague figure of the attendant inside. From what I could see, it was a young, scruffy looking guy with long shabby hair.

“I’ll go in and talk to him. Wait here.” Kaleigh instructed me. She stepped inside and I watched her through the window as she talked to him and gestured out to the car. Moments later she emerged with him; his striped button-down shirt was un-tucked and smudged with grease. He took a walk around the car to get a better look at it, scratching his developing beer belly. Though the car windows were shut tight to protect us from the winter chill I could hear him say to her with his hick drawl, “Don’t worry, I’ll get you pretty ladies on your way. Just step back inside with me, I’ll be sure to take good care of you.” They disappeared, this time they seemed to go into the back of the small building. I figured there must have been some kind of paperwork, but I hoped that Kaleigh would use a fake name or something. She was gone for at least fifteen minutes, completely out of sight. I began to wonder what was going on in there.

Finally Kaleigh came back out, marched up to the car and opened the driver’s side door. “Get out, let’s gather up our stuff.” I obediently collected the few belongings I had with me as she grabbed her bag and stuffed her CD case back inside.

“What took you so long?” I looked at her across the furry car seats, as I reached back to grab my own bag.

“I was finding out where the closest train station was. And I had to iron out a few details with the guy, you know. I had to make sure the car would disappear and no one would know we were even here.”

I wasn’t entirely sure of what she meant by ‘a few details,’ but I wasn’t going to ask. The guy stepped back out of the booth adjusting his baggy, navy blue work pants by the waist. His presence revolted me. I hated to even look at him, and at this moment when he came out, with the keys to Sandra’s car in hand, he had this strange look on his face, and I felt dirty as he watched me get out.

§

Kaleigh and I walked down the road few miles into Louisville, to find something for dinner and a place to crash for the night. Kaleigh kept sticking her thumb up to try and catch a ride, and every time she did, I swatted at her hand and gave her a dirty look. I didn’t want to deal with one more creep today, especially the kind that would be all too willing to give two girls like us a ride on a dark highway. I hid while Kaleigh checked into a Motel 6 so we’d only have to pay for one guest. She used her fake I.D. that she got for her birthday through one of Al’s connections since they won’t rent to anyone under 18. The motel was two stories high with the outdoor walkways and a cemented underground swimming pool. I wished we were already in California and it was warm out and we could be carefree. I’d have loved to go swimming with Kaleigh. So what if we didn’t have swimsuits with us. I’m sure Kaleigh would have pushed me into the water with my clothes on, or maybe we’d have gone skinny-dipping. But not tonight. The moment we got into our room, I dropped myself onto the king-size bed. I was exhausted from being up almost the entire night and the walk from the junkyard on top of not eating all day totally wiped me out.

“What are we going to do for dinner, Kaleigh?” my stomach began to grumble painfully.

“Hmm, here’s a phone book. We could order some take out!” She grabbed the yellow book and started flipping through it to find the restaurant section. “How bout Chinese? They’re right down the street.”

“Sure, anything. You order.” I kicked my shoes onto the floor and reached for a pillow. I flipped on the TV while Kaleigh picked up the phone to place her order. I zoned out and barely heard when Kaleigh hung up the phone and said she’d be right back. The sound of the door shutting behind her echoed in the room and snapped me out of my daze.

“Sarah!” I leaned over to the phone to call her.

“Hey, everything’s good. I stopped for the night now.”

“Where are you?”

“I thought you didn’t want to know the details!”

“You can tell me now. I want to know about your crazy adventure!”

“I’m in Louisville right now.”

“Louisville? I thought you were heading west?”

“That’s what I thought, too. Well, I’m just taking my time. That’s all. Have you heard from Mom yet?”

“No, it’s probably too early. I’m sure she’s still hoping you’re on your way home right now.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry Sarah. For putting this on you. I just needed to tell someone before I left. I couldn’t just disappear on my sister, you know.”

“It’s okay. I just want you to be happy. If this is what it takes… well, at least you have more balls than I thought!”

I smiled. I guess between the two of us, I was the least likely one to run off. Sarah was the one who always disappeared with boyfriends all through high school. Now it was my turn to make Mom crazy. “Yeah, I better go, Sarah. I’m exhausted. I’ll call you when I stop tomorrow night.”

“Okay. You better take care of yourself! Bye.”

“Bye.” I hung up the receiver just in time to see Kaleigh walking across the lot, a bag of take out boxes in hand. We ate our food with the TV on; Kaleigh was surprisingly coordinated with a cheap pair of chopsticks, while I used a flimsy white plastic fork. Once I was finished with my Szechwan chicken, I leaned back onto the pillows. Kaleigh moved over to sit next to me and I began to doze off quickly, knowing she was close. I rolled toward her and stretched an arm across her lap and fell asleep.

§

In the morning we caught the first bus heading west. We spent the day on the road until the bus stopped near a quaint diner somewhere in Oklahoma for dinner. It felt so good to get out and walk around for a minute in the dusty parking lot.

“Can you believe this?” Kaleigh leaned over her plate of roasted chicken and looked at me intensely.

“Believe what?” I shoved a forkful of mashed potatoes into my mouth.

“We did it! This is so fucking amazing! Here we are sitting in some dump in Oklahoma, we’re on our own, and we’re heading to Hollywood.”

“Amazing,” I gulped. “No, I can’t believe it.”

“I know! I wonder if my mom’s even noticed I never got home last night. Fucking bitch is always so drunk.”

“I’m sure my mom noticed.”

“Oh my god! Just wait till all the kids at school figure it out, too! Everyone’s gonna be talking about us. It’s like we’ll be famous!”

“Something like that.”

“I can’t believe they were ready to kick me out of school if my grades weren’t up by the end of the year. They can take that expulsion and shove it up their ass now!”

“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom.”

“Are you okay Marie?”

“Fine. I’ll be right back.”

I walked through the diner, past the pie case by the front counter, and around the corner toward the restrooms and stopped at the payphone. When Sarah picked up, she wasn’t happy to hear from me.

“Is Kaleigh with you? Marie, please answer me.”

I was silent for a long time, searching for something to tell her that wasn’t the truth. I didn’t want to get Kaleigh in trouble. I didn’t want them to find her, but I couldn’t lie to my sister. “Yes.”

“What! You told me you were alone! How could you hide this from me! What are you getting yourself into Marie? Mom’s already called the cops and I think Kaleigh’s mom is about to. What is going on here?”

“Why did Mom call the cops? I’m going to be eighteen in a couple more days!”

“Well, since the last thing you told her was that you two were going shopping, maybe she thought something happened to you.” She inherited her knack for guilt from Mom pretty well. “I guess the cops told her they would file a missing person report, but if they find you they can’t make you go home. But Kaleigh’s gonna be in big trouble. Why is she even with you?”
“I told Kaleigh I was leaving and she begged me to let her come, too. I couldn’t say no to her. She hates her mom even more than we hate ours! You know how it is for her.”

“I know. But why didn’t you just tell me that to begin with? I almost blew your cover last night when Mom called me asking if I knew anything.”

“I’m glad you didn’t tell her –”

“Well, maybe I should have.”

“Sarah, why do you have to be like this? I’m sorry. I’m sorry about this mess and what I’m putting you through. You’re right; I should have told you she was with me.”

“You should have just told Mom why you left.”

“She wouldn’t understand! I can’t tell her anything—you know she won’t listen!”

“Maybe so, but you’ve missed something else, Marie. I would have listened. I don’t understand why you couldn’t talk to me more.”

“I told you why I was leaving.”

“No, you didn’t. Not really. Just that you needed some time to sort things out. What is going on with you? This just isn’t like you. You’ve never lied before or done anything like this.”

“I don’t know what to say, Sarah.” I turned around to see Kaleigh walking towards me, fists clenched at her sides. “Uh oh. I have to go. I’ll call you later. Promise.” I thought I heard Sarah swear at me before I slammed down the receiver.

“Who were you talking to?” Kaleigh asked me, her eyes gleaming.

“Um, no one. I wanted to check the train schedules.” I am such a horrible liar. I stood there trembling.

“Marie. Who were you talking to?”

“I, uh, was talking to Sarah. I didn’t want her to worry about me.”

“Did you tell her where we are?”

“No, why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, Marie. Why were you calling her?”

I was ready to give up on lying, but I couldn’t stand the thought of Kaleigh being mad at me, too. “I needed to tell her I was leaving.”

Kaleigh’s anger was rising as she struggled to keep her voice down. “What was the point in us running away Marie? Why didn’t you just place an ad on the internet while you’re at it? How could you tell someone, Marie? This was our plan – our secret. What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know about you, but there’s at least one person that I care about that I left behind for you. I couldn’t just disappear on my sister.”

“Oh, so you think that I don’t care about anyone but myself? Is that it? I care about you. That’s why I wanted you to come with me, so you could be free too.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Kaleigh. I just meant that I didn’t want to leave Sarah wondering what happened to me, that’s all.”

Kaleigh stood there, arms crossed over her chest. “Fuck. Sorry, I know you’re close to Sarah. I should have known that you would want to tell her. I just don’t want us to fucking get caught.”

“Well, we might have a problem with that, Kaleigh. Maybe this was a bad idea. Sarah said my mom is freaking out and she thinks your mom’s called the police. They’ll be looking for us, Kaleigh. What are we going to do?”

Her face finally softened and she reached out to put her hands on my shoulders. “Do you trust that Sarah won’t tell on us?”

I nodded. I prayed that she really wouldn’t.

“Don’t worry about it. As long as they don’t know where we are, they won’t be able to find us. Before you know it we’ll be in Hollywood. Let’s just finish our dinner and get the fuck outta here.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me back to our table.